Sunday, July 6, 2014

Surviving

So I sorta dropped the ball on the weekly portraits. Oops! Not for lack of picture taking though. You should see how many pictures we have taken over the past 3 weeks! So many TOO many. Mostly 50 of the same picture over and over because newborns aren't the most photogenic no matter how perfect they are. You can trust me on this because Auden is the most perfect and in most of her pictures she look cray. But I keep them all because babies don't keep. Especially newborn babies who are the second child because HOW HAS IT BEEN THREE WEEKS ALREADY???
Seriously though, TONS of pictures. Except for I don't have anytime to go through them and post any because I'm way too busy taking more. I have posted a few on Instagram. (@jenbucky)
Aside from the busy of adding filters and captions to instagrams, I've just been busy halfway doing things. Ya know, sweeping the kitchen floor into a pile but not getting to the dustpan part before I am changing a diaper. Transferring the clothes from the washer to the dryer but not getting to the turning the dryer on part before I am pouring apple juice into a sippy. I know I'm not the first mother of both a toddler and a newborn and I tell myself this daily. Hourly. But holy cow!* The highs are high. And the lows: low. Life has been total chaotic calm, complete busy peace. I just don't know how it's all done in other families where the houses are clean and the mother's teeth are always brushed. But I remind myself of grace upon grace and I Instagram a photo that makes it appear as though everything is coming up roses over here. Then I run to turn on the dryer 6 hours late, resweep the floors, and survive another day.
I would love to sit and write all about our Auden Bird and just how darling her confused/judgy eyebrows sit atop her big, dark slate eyes.
How her top lip juts out over her chin in the sweetest most innocent way that hides her bottom lip, just like her ultrasound at 20 weeks looked.
And how that bottom lip makes itself known as soon as she starts to cry, which isn't very often. Only for diaper changes and if she falls asleep nursing and then wakes up and accuses me of not feeding her enough. Which will always remind me of when I was a kid and my dad would fall asleep with the tv on and I'd change the channel to cartoons and he would instantly wake up and fuss because "hey! he was watching that!"
She will also cry when August kisses her which is almost anytime he remembers she is here, which is a lot. He makes this big deal about walking over to her while saying MMM loudly then he kisses her lips with an even louder MAHH then he applauds himself. It's adorable, or at least it was when she was 2 weeks and under and it didn't phase her at all. As a 3 week old, she has wised up and will just not take those sorts of big brother shenanigans. And then there's the bottom lip, followed by mama picking her up, which only reminds her about eating because smelling like milk is just one part of the postpartum glamour. And that's about the time that the brother kisses aren't all that cute anymore and instead have left us making rules like 'no touching Birdie when she is in her swing. Or during a diaper change. Or sleeping.  Or ever until she can defend herself' just kidding. 
Honestly, Gus is doing a great job at being a big brother. He really likes her. He runs to find me if she is making any sort of noise. He introduces her to anyone that comes over with a hearty and proud "Dere she is". He even threw away her dirty diaper yesterday.
I'm so thankful for him and I didn't know it was possible, but when my heart grew for Auden, it grew for him too. The time that I get to spend with him while Auden is sleeping, it makes me whole. I'm far from the nervous shell of a girl who had a tiny new newborn to take care of two years ago, kissing her husband goodbye for work with tears in her 'I'm not capable' eyes. Nope. I am now a mother of two, who yes, has frizzy airdried hair and leg shaving on her to do list and totally cries (but just not quite as much). But I am whole, capable person. Especially when I get the privilege to sit and gaze at Auden's face as she falls asleep nursing. Especially when August runs to grab my hand because a good song is on and we'd better dance. 

*The other day while I was getting Gus out of the car I noticed his car seat was covered in melted gummies. I said "Holy cow, Gus!" To which he looked at me and with a very serious face said, "MOOOO". 

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