Monday, September 8, 2014

Home

photo by Carrie Coleman
We moved to a new city at the end of last month. Jared scored a new job that is good in all the important ways. Once we learned we were moving, I cried. I cried happiness for my husband and I cried sadness for my own pathetic self. They say that change is good. And that's true. But, you know what, change is also terrifying. It is. So there.
Leaving Charlottesville was emotional. Although it was the backdrop of only three years of my life, I feel as though my life truly began there. My mind was full during our last few days in Charlottesville. I thought of meeting Jared and falling in love and getting engaged and then married and then pregnant and then pregnant again. We were so busy with life. But more than just leaving the city, it was hard to leave our home. The home of August's first steps, of his first and second birthdays, of him learning how to climb up and down stairs, the home of kissing his noggin everyday when he would round the corner too fast. every single day, silly kid. 
The home that I found out we were going to be a family of four. Like it was yesterday. I took the test early before anyone was awake. Negative. So I crawled back in bed trying not to look so sad. But even Jared's sleepiest eyes could sense my disappointment. He kissed my forehead and simply said, "soon". I scooped August from his bed and brought him down for breakfast while Jared dressed for work. I had a silly quick thought to recheck my test. Positive! I yelled to Jared to come down quick. And we rejoiced and rejoiced and then took this picture.
The place we introduced Auden to as home. Fresh from the hospital, we walked up the path and  before reaching the screen door we saw our so big baby boy who was now a big brother watching for us. My heart broke.
I became so comfortable in that home, in that neighborhood, in that city. 
As I followed the moving truck out of the city, we drove past the hospital both of my babies were born and I took one deep breath, didn't even try to hold back my tears, and I said a quiet prayer. The drive was dark and drizzly. On occasion I like to equate my mood with the weather. You do that too, right? Well, this was one of those occasions. But before I could go full out Charlie Brown, the sun started to find its way through the clouds and the rain began to cease and I felt like it was my message to cheer up. So I let my heart be light and I have to remind myself daily to do so.
We are now here in Richmond and I'm realizing that it's what we took with us that is important, not what we left behind. I have my memories of Charlottesville and I hope I always do let my mind wander to that magical little city that gave me so much life.
But this new house with my husband and our babies, this is home now. And it is going to be beautiful, just you wait.

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