Excuse me while I dust off the old keyboard and clear the spiderwebs from ye olde blog. AHEM.
instagram, you may have not missed me much. Because, well, I'm a a gram glut and can't stop won't stop slapping pretty filters over the best of 20 shots taken of my (for the moment) not screaming child. I also crop the crap out of it so that you can't see the large pile of mail that hasn't been sorted or the rolled up dirty diapers that I haven't yet thrown in the trash.
Sometimes I think I'm just adding to the perfect pinteresting mother lie that the big bad internet has us all fooled to believe. And I hate that. But there's every chance that I'm not and it is quite evident, even through the internet, that I'm a complete mess who hasn't worn proper pants in four days.
I remember after August was born I was addicted to hearing that I made it look easy. It wasn't easy, but boy did I want everyone I encountered to think I had it all together. Pretending to be unscathed by keeping a tiny crazy human alive was my name and getting complimented for it was my game. It got me through some tough times.
But now with two, I have retired that game. Or perhaps, the game retired me. I make motherhood look hard. Possibly as hard as it is. Instagram might have you fooled that all I do all day long is kiss the cheeks of my babies. I don't. And all they do all day long is be sweet. They don't.
No. I have plenty of moments where I say "FOR THE LOVE" in my head. Honestly? Out loud. Out very loud. So loud that the toddler is a fit of giggles at his Hulk mother. I crytext Jared with SOS rhetorical questions like where did these adorable crazy children come from and why do they hate/love me so much that they won't let me pee in private? I think of Mother's Day and how I read about husbands fawning over their wives who do motherhood so gracefully and never complain and all I think is JARED CAN NEVER SAY THIS ABOUT ME!
I imagine his words about me to go something like "My wife tries really hard everyday at being a nice person and a good mother. And while she is trying, we give her grace."
Well, that would be the truth.